Adventures in Shredding

Nikie: Its gettin what?
 me: IT’S GETTIN REAL IN THE WHOLE FOODS PARKIN LOT
Nikie: Yeah so your messages get cut off halfway through. Stupid phone.
 me: YOU KNOW THE DEAL WITH THOSE LITTLE SHOPPING CARTS THEY GOT
  how much of
  that
  did
  you
  get
Nikie: the deal with those little s…..
 me: SHOPPIN CARTS THEY GOT
 Nikie: What deal? I know nothing.
 me: IT’S GETTIN REAL
  IN THE
  WHOLE FOODS
  PARKIN LOT
Nikie: Whats goin down!?

Nikie: I’ll four day your weekend.
 me: excuse you
  EXCUSE YOU
  I think I’m gonna find some dude on the street
  and then just make out with him
  this is a great idea
 Nikie: That is the best idea ever.
 me: I’m glad you think so
   Your opinion on my making out with strangers means a lot to me

Nikie: We could join the I lived in chicago and was never killed club.
me: woooooo
  there are a lot of people in chicago
  that’s a big club
  please start this facebook group
 Nikie: Atleast we’ll have friends. Idk if I can do that on my phone.
me: booo
  you need to find the internet
  or get bethany to do it
  we’ll pretend like she lived here
Nikie: You could do it when you get home….. That works too.
 me: i don’t want to do it
  I’ll forget
  I’m not good at making groups
  i have no…hands
Nikie: You cant be in the club if you cant put any effort into it bekie. Theres no I in team….. Or cat for that matter. So in short I think you should buy a cat.
 me: I don’t want a cat to live with me
  they eat you when you die
  pufflemuff would never eat me
Nikie: It will teach you a lesson about teamwork.
 me: no I don’t think it will
  I think you’re wrong
Nikie: Right after I said that the kitten came and jumped on me. Crazy kitten.
 me: IT’S TRYING TO EAT YOU
  SEE WHAT I TOLD YOU
  I TRIED TO WARN YOU
  I TRIED!!!!
Nikie: Im hungry.
  Brb I gotta make cole a sandwich.
me: Oh my god that’s the cat talking isn’t it?
  The cat ate my sister
  Know this cat, I will have revenge
  REEEVVVEEENNNGGGEE!!!

5 minutes

Nikie: I just gave the cat some ham so it better not eat me.
me: you may distract the beast
  but you can’t change his mind
 Nikie: Ok so this kid is eating a katchp, mayo, mustard, ham sandwich cut in half.
  Hes got some weird taste.
me: i HATE mustard
  it’s gross
 Nikie: Me too.
 me: it tastes like all the horrible things of the world combined together
  I’m glad we can agree
 Nikie: This is also true. The cat is attacking for our food.
me: the cat likes mustard?
  that says a lot about that cat
  and maybe about how you taste
 Nikie: It wants the ham.
   I was laying with brett the other day and woke up to the cat licking my neck and at nite she loves to chew on bretts feet. I think youre right.
 me: I know I’m right