So I cut off a lot of my hair this weekend. There was some sort of awesome fire down the street, which I missed because I had to hold my head still. Why is it the first thing I always think about after doing this is how cold my neck is and how many new scarves I’m going to have to buy?
me: for serious, why am I single
I bake pie AND cookies
from scratch!
i laugh at fart jokes
i’m a cheap date!
Ralph: and you pretty much want to put out too
dudes are missing out!
me: that’s all really anyone needs in a significant other
hahahahahaha!!!!
I just baked my first pie!
This was my favorite music video when I was a kid. What confused me though was that if she wanted to dance so bad, why didn’t she dance with one of those guys instead of sitting at that table?
You’re like a dream come true
Nikie: Its gettin what?
me: IT’S GETTIN REAL IN THE WHOLE FOODS PARKIN LOT
Nikie: Yeah so your messages get cut off halfway through. Stupid phone.
me: YOU KNOW THE DEAL WITH THOSE LITTLE SHOPPING CARTS THEY GOT
how much of
that
did
you
get
Nikie: the deal with those little s…..
me: SHOPPIN CARTS THEY GOT
Nikie: What deal? I know nothing.
me: IT’S GETTIN REAL
IN THE
WHOLE FOODS
PARKIN LOT
Nikie: Whats goin down!?
Nikie: I’ll four day your weekend.
me: excuse you
EXCUSE YOU
I think I’m gonna find some dude on the street
and then just make out with him
this is a great idea
Nikie: That is the best idea ever.
me: I’m glad you think so
Your opinion on my making out with strangers means a lot to me
Nikie: We could join the I lived in chicago and was never killed club.
me: woooooo
there are a lot of people in chicago
that’s a big club
please start this facebook group
Nikie: Atleast we’ll have friends. Idk if I can do that on my phone.
me: booo
you need to find the internet
or get bethany to do it
we’ll pretend like she lived here
Nikie: You could do it when you get home….. That works too.
me: i don’t want to do it
I’ll forget
I’m not good at making groups
i have no…hands
Nikie: You cant be in the club if you cant put any effort into it bekie. Theres no I in team….. Or cat for that matter. So in short I think you should buy a cat.
me: I don’t want a cat to live with me
they eat you when you die
pufflemuff would never eat me
Nikie: It will teach you a lesson about teamwork.
me: no I don’t think it will
I think you’re wrong
Nikie: Right after I said that the kitten came and jumped on me. Crazy kitten.
me: IT’S TRYING TO EAT YOU
SEE WHAT I TOLD YOU
I TRIED TO WARN YOU
I TRIED!!!!
Nikie: Im hungry.
Brb I gotta make cole a sandwich.
me: Oh my god that’s the cat talking isn’t it?
The cat ate my sister
Know this cat, I will have revenge
REEEVVVEEENNNGGGEE!!!
5 minutes
Nikie: I just gave the cat some ham so it better not eat me.
me: you may distract the beast
but you can’t change his mind
Nikie: Ok so this kid is eating a katchp, mayo, mustard, ham sandwich cut in half.
Hes got some weird taste.
me: i HATE mustard
it’s gross
Nikie: Me too.
me: it tastes like all the horrible things of the world combined together
I’m glad we can agree
Nikie: This is also true. The cat is attacking for our food.
me: the cat likes mustard?
that says a lot about that cat
and maybe about how you taste
Nikie: It wants the ham.
I was laying with brett the other day and woke up to the cat licking my neck and at nite she loves to chew on bretts feet. I think youre right.
me: I know I’m right
Adventure ho!
Nikie: Oh yeah….. Its up to you to make moma a grandma.
me: wait what
i don’t like that one bit
don’t put that responsibility on my shoulders
Nikie: Oh yeah did she tell you she ran over her boyfriend?
That was the jem of the day.
me: wait what???
Nikie: Yeah she was trying to drive drunk and her bf tried to stop her. He was drunk to and she ran into or over his hand or something like that.
me: did he go to the hospital?!?!
Nikie: Either way you put it she still ran over her boyfriend.
Yeah she went with him.
me: we are related to this person
I just want you to think about that for a while
Nikie: I have. It scares me.
me: cars are dangerous yo
Nikie: Bitches cant hang with the streets…..
me: i don’t know all the words to this song
OH MY GOD HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE BOOK OF MORMON
Nikie: Me either.
Yeah you sent me some songs.
me: good
i’m glad i did that
Nikie: When you first sent it to me I thought it was the real book of mormon….
me: hahahaha
I’ve become a mormon
Nikie: And i was like oh no! Shes gonna be going from door to door now!
me: yes
that’s my new life here
Nikie: If you come to my door im gonna shoot you and have me a mormon dinner….
me: I can’t believe you just said that to me
Nikie: …. Did you ever find your channel changer?
me: NO
it’s still gone
i think someone stole it
Nikie: Wtf. The pufflemuff ate it. Or its in the fridge.
me: I looked there
Nikie: Did you look in the pufflemuff?
me: YES I DID
THAT’S THE FIRST PLACE I LOOKED
Nikie: I hate soup.
Its gross.
me: what the HELL nicole????
are we even related?
soup is not gross
jesus
Nikie: Um…. As i was walking away somebody took their lawnmower.
me: like stole it???
Nikie: Idk maybe they said he could use it. He just walked up and took it.
me: that’s a bold criminal
Nikie: I’m kinda glad we didnt grow up rich.
me: god me too
i hate rich kids
Nikie: I wanna be rich though. When I have kids I’m gonna pretend to be poor until they are grown. Then im gonna be like remember that puppy you wanted? We could have gotten it the whole time!
Nikie: I will always remember the glass of water one. “Bekie that boys so ugly he’d have to sneak up on a glass of water just to get a drink.”
me: Hahahaha that’s the best
!!!!!!
and it was true
Nikie: Yeah…..
me: he was ugly
Nikie: Who was that. Brian?
me: no
He asked brian if he got his clothes out of a trash can
That was tim
that guy i knew in high school
Nikie: he was ugly
me: i know
daddy’s just honest
“You know, I remember… It rained all day the day that Elvis Presley died. And only a legend can make it do that! And you know, I remember when my baby said we were through. And she was gonna walk out on me. It was Elvis Presley that talked her out of it. And he gave me my first leather jacket. And taught me how to comb my hair just right in a filling station bathroom. It was Elvis that gave you a rubber on prom night. And told you that you looked real sharp. And you know, I think he maybe just got a little tired of repairing all the broken hearts in the world. And now I think maybe I understand why mechanics’ cars never start. And why night watchmen are always sleeping on the job. And why shoeshine boys always have worn-out scooped-up shoes. But eh… [mumbles] A legend never dies, he just teaches you everything he knows. To give you the courage to ask her out. And I know, there’s a small little town where dreams are still alive. And there’s a hero on every corner. And they’re all on their way to a place called Burma-Shave. Scrawled out across the shoulders of this dying little town, see? And every night it takes the one eyed Jacks. You know, a one eyed Jack is like a… You got one headlight burned out on your car. It’s called a one eyed Jack. You can see them from across the railroad tracks. Over the scar on its belly, there came a stranger passing through.”
-Tom Waits
